A Far East Take on an Old West Drink: Hey-Song Sarsaparilla Drink

I grew up near Sioux City, Iowa, known for plane crashes, meat packing, and the sarsaparilla that bears its name. A good sarsaparilla is a tasty change-of-pace beverage, as fun to drink as it isn’t to type. But aside from lawmen in westerns, who drinks sarsaparilla anymore? Where can you even find it?

Apparently you have to go to the soft drink craftsmen of Asia. Hey-Song Sarsaparilla Drink is a, shall I say, interesting take on this olde thyme phosphate from Taiwan’s most olde thyme soda company. Just like Cheap Trick had to make Live at Budokan before they hit it big in the states, perhaps sarsaparilla’s sojourn to the Orient is a precursor to it overtaking cola as America’s soft drink of record. More likely, Hey-Song is a shining example of why sarsaparilla had to be exiled in the first place.

A Dental Fiasco

Of all the sodas from the far east, I figured Hey-Song Sarsaparilla Drink would be a pretty safe choice. I also assumed a drink loaded with sugar wouldn’t remind me of the dentist’s office. But Hey-Song disappointed me on both counts by mixing sarsaparilla’s traditional root beer taste with the cleansing flavor of Crest mint mouthwash. Only communists could make a beverage that destroyed your teeth while tricking your brain into thinking they were getting a fluoride bath. That’s like sitting through an entire NASCAR race and not seeing a single crash.

Recycling: The Final Solution

This has nothing to do with the taste, but I must point out the unfortunate Taiwanese recycling symbol. Somehow, doing a good thing for the earth isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.

The Verdict

Well, pardner, Hey-Song Sarsaparilla Drink gets a 4 out of 10. The best I can say about it is its Listerine aftertaste reminded me to brush the hell out of my teeth after I finished.