Now you have Moxie

I want YOU  to taste my hair tonic!

Elixir! Tonic! Spunk! These are just a few of the antiquated words that come to mind when drinking Moxie. Around since 1884 and named the official soft drink of the state of Maine in 2005, Moxie has a long, colorful history that will make you ignore the fact it’s got an aftertaste strong enough to pin Lincoln Hawk in arm wrestling.

As hair tonics go, Moxie is pretty tasty. Kinda like root beer mixed with Dapper Dan pomade. Believe it or not, I kinda mean that as a compliment. Drinking Moxie makes you feel like hopping in your Model T and driving to the druggist or the town square to watch some olde timey medicine show, and with good cause — back in the day, Moxie was known as “Moxie Nerve Food,” and was said to cure everything from “softening of the brain” to “loss of manhood” (yes, I totally got that info from Wikipedia). That’s exactly the sort of marketing that could get a soft drink buried by a certain soda goliath in Atlanta. The rise of Coke eventually pushed Moxie into obscurity, leaving Moxie staffers to ponder whether they too should’ve infused their elixir with cocaine instead of styling gel.

The Verdict

If you’d like to wax nostalgic for a simpler time, when a man took his best girl to the drug store for a phosphate or something, try a bottle of Moxie if you can find one. The flavor should rate a 6, but based on the fact that, for a while at least, they convinced people that soda was good for you, I’m giving them an 8. And if you don’t like the taste, you can always put it in your hair.